Speaking of Speaking Donkies

Humiliation - Hashpal|ah hlpsh

[3-letter root: lps = lowering; being humble]

...being “lowered” or “made humble” -- being “put-upon” by someone other than yourself.

Can someone be made humble? Can someone be humiliated? IF that someone does not ‘allow’ it? If you say to yourself that it does not matter what another says to/about you, it is within yourself to ignore it. Is this possible? Really possible?

We read in several of our formal written prayers where we ask HaShem to not allow us to be humiliated. So is it that our siddurs are saying: yes, you can be humiliated? And still psychologists and psychiatrists tell us that it within our own selfs wether or not we accept what others say about us and respond accordingly.

Certainly we can humble ourselves and, indeed, we are told that we should do so in relationship to HaShem - and that is the reasoning behind the taking of three steps backward and then three steps forward, followed by a bow before we begin the Amidah.

Certainly we can - or should - be humble when an honor is bestowed upon us; as an alyah, a reading during a religious service, or receiving an honorary PhD. Unlike some “sports heros” [no names] who seem to believe that they are sooo good that they do not have to ‘express‘ humility. To ANYone! Oy!

But I still beg the question: can someone else humiliate us?

Let me give you an example from Maimonides. He had, at one time a young disciple who was very upset about a hostility directed toward his master and Maimonides responded that (with the help of G-d) he had become pacified and could overlook insults and that his student had a heated temper combined with the passion of youth and could not defend himself against anger and contumely [insulting or insulting language] (Yetzer Hara). “If someone wishes to flaunt his own excellence by demonstrating my (our) failings, then I forgive him, even though he may be... one of the most insignificant...”

Likewise, Rabbi Avraham Twerski discusses how Moses was the most humble of men - even though he was the greatest of Prophets and beloved by HaShem.

Rav Yisrael Salanter (in his Ohr Yisrael) relates a story of a certain chassid who on R”H eve gave his last coin to a pauper. His wife proceeded to berate him and vexed him until he went out and spent the night in a cemetery!!! This shows that he experienced an emotional response in reaction to his wife’s scolding. In his heart he felt anguish and affront. Perhaps even some anger. Rav Yisrael refers to the teaching that men should be humble like Hillel and not so stern as Shammai. There was a wager made between two men to see if one of them could vex Hillel. It was Erev Shabbos and Hillel was washing his hair. The man stood on the doorstep and in a disrespectful manner shouted; “Is there one named Hillel here?” When Hillel put on his robe and responded, the man said; “I have a question... why are the feet of Africans wide?” Hillel responded gently but the man continued; “I have many questions to ask but I fear that you might become angry.” After Hillel told him to continue he said; “Are you Hillel who is called Prince of Israel?” “Yes.” “If you are he, may there not be many like you in Israel!” “Why do you ask, my son?” “Because of you I lost a 400 zuz bet!” “Be careful of your attitude; it is not worth it for you to lose twice that amount, and that I (Hillel) not be strict.” Humility is to feel no anger whatsoever! And so the chassid, feeling anger and indignant toward his wife faltered spiritually!

Rabbi Twerski turns this around and discusses chutzpah [rather what the sports figures expressed] and sees this as both a curse and yet not a surprise for the Talmud predicted that before the “final Redemption”, Chutzpah will increase... the young will (attempt to) humiliate the elders, a son will insult his father... Adolescent psychiatrists report the most common diagnosis is “Oppositional Defiant Disorder. [the watershed appears to have been the “Sixties”. This, he claims was a major triumph for the yetzer hara. If so, and if chutzpah is on the rise [as we see with the Me-Me-Me generation: “I’m entitled!”] then is in not even more important to learn that someone else cannot humiliate you - you can only allow it to happen.

We need to learn humility, in order not to be humiliated.

Shabbat Shalom

ohrba [b lleb larsy

Parshat Balak - the Talking Donkey (who spoke no humiliating words) 5770

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